your experience of feeling out of sync with other people around you resonates with me strongly. i have some friends, but none feel truly close. in class, everyone used to laugh at comments being made by the teacher/professor which to me sounded like an unremarkable neutral comment. i almost always missed the cue and was the only one not laughing. that's a small and literal example. but my disconnect reaches much farther and is too vague to even properly describe. honestly i've always felt like language is more restrictive than freeing. like experiences are dumbed down to fit into existing words, rather than words being made up to closely explain experiences. that's why my writing style often doesn't follow standard language rules. which is of course followed by criticism from everyone around me... i found some solace in the labels of 'emo', 'metalhead', 'nostalgia'... but these are again boxes i put one foot into but can never fit. i used to paint a lot. for a while it worked as an expressive non-verbal tool. but for some reason it fizzled out and now i'm seemingly physically unable to bring myself to draw or paint. i turned to writing, which again spurs brief moments of intensity, but it's much less of a succesful outlet. i've been self-harming with scissors and then box cutters for years now. so far it's the only manner in which i can blow off extreme pressure. but u can guess how well that comes across in my surroundings. people are disgusted, confused, worried. i try to keep it in most of the time until i just burst. now i'm being urged to try therapy for the third time but i don't even want to. anyway i realize i've been stream of conscious writing. i hope it's not too long. cheers.

Glad to see you back! PLEASE DONT REMOVE THE PAGE WITH ALL THE COOL BACKGROUND IMAGES I USE IT SO MUCH!!!

I admire you. Thank you for being yourself in this little corner of the internet. It has been a tremendous comfort and breath of fresh air among so many... hostility, chaos and corporate greed. I've been waiting for your return like you are the Avatar, and I was so happy to see your updated your website, which I love. I look up to you and can't wait to see you around more. Take good care of yourself

your mission statement about intensity really resonates with me. i think that kind of energy is precious, and should be leaned into rather than punished. no matter what happens, thank you for all you've given the world. i hope you can live for yourself going forward.

i thought you died fr

Thanks for posting your guide on neocities, have been struggling with manual design so looking forward to trying it out!

this so fiyo

Was just snooping around an found this!!So cool!! hello

Love the design and functionality of your site! I'm currently learning how to design my own, and appreciate the inspiration I'm getting from yours. Your aesthetic is clean, and the design may seem simple, but is clearly very intentional and well executed. Simple isn't easy

I'm glad you're back, looking forward to what's to come.

just browsing neocities at 5:41am and stumbled onto your site. Love the whole look and your writing <3

Hii, i really loved your website's design and i related a lot to your connection to the concept of death. Wishing you the best!! "Death is only the beginning" (Mummy, 1999)

Looking through your layout builder was how I got started with learning HTML and CSS! I was a was confused when I came back to your site and saw the change but then I read your blog post and I'm glad you did it. The indie web is for self expression!

Awesome. Liking the mortality in this one.

excited to be on this journey with you, as someone who has wandered here many times. hello again!